I know it’s been an extremely long time since my last post or time spent on this blog. My life has had a lot of despair, depression, extreme fatigue, heartbreak, pain, fear, self-doubt, and anguish in the past few years. Which took me down, but now.. the BITCH is back.
After losing my sister, father, and mother in a span of 3 years straight. At the same time, Trump slid his orange clownish ass down an escalator to steal my country and my democracy, adding to the feeling of dread. All while fighting my own personal battles with Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis. The depression was crippling. So excuse me for the rant that I’m about to indulge. I’m freeing my soul.
As my nuclear family had all passed away in a span of three years, my niece decided to have me removed from my mother’s will without my knowledge. Then move into my 4 bedroom apartment with her 3-year-old and husband at the time of my mother’s death. I was crushed and felt so abandoned because someone I’ve loved, supported and cared for, all while I was fighting my own grief and illnesses, was plotting on me right in my very own home from the very start. My tenant who was paying $750. a month left to accommodate her (which I needed desperately being on a fixed income and all) Then a week later when the first check from my father’s stocks came and she left and did it in such a fuck you manner that it damn near broke me. How did I not see this coming? So she was lying to my face along? I thought she actually loved me as her Aunt. She played me like a fiddle with no regard to the affect it would have on me nor my life. I felt attacked and left myself vulnerable for someone I foolishly trusted.
All the work my father did to provide for our family this little bitch took it and spent it on others outside of the family and to live a ghetto fabulous life. My heartbreak was too much to bear. When I lost my mother I too lost all extended family. No more cousins, nieces and/or nephews. Including a cousin who followed me to Brooklyn turned on me, money can expose a lot. Talk about broken mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically. The final nail to this was my own body turning on me.
It has taken me 4 years to finally get rid of this inner pain and dread. All while those who claim to love me piled on their own personal issues on to my already heavy load. I finally realized that I had to dig deep inside to muster up the courage to start saying “NO”, forgive myself, love myself, and heal myself. Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually so that I could move forward with my life. This was much harder to do than I thought. But I believe I’m almost there. It took a couple of years getting my energy and mojo back but here I am. Getting my self-confidence back and the anger and heartbreak in check.
DAWN OF A NEW DAY:
It’s now my time to shine! I’m putting myself first! I have no more fucks to give to self-absorbed, unsympathetic, unempathetic self-important and users of my kindness and energy! I have for the past 8 years been collecting, data, pricing, and researching so I could start my own business. And I am excited to say: I FINALLY DID IT! I am the proud new owner of
I am currently shedding all things and people that are negative and exhausting or emotionally draining. I was so bogged down with negative emotions to the point I couldn’t even get out of the bed. Then I realize these emotions are only adding to the symptoms of my diseases and believe me others don’t care nor believe that they too are contributors to my flare-ups. Once I made the deliberate decision to shed the negative, my life began to change for the better. Lastly, I had to clear my soul to be open enough and well enough to tackle this new endeavor in my life. Stay tuned as I share more of my fight for the core of my soul. I’m going to finish with this my fellow WARRIORS life doesn’t cut you a break because you are sick, hence why we must lighten our load of draining people and/’or situations.
Take Care Now,
LadySway
Leave a Reply