Category Archives: breast cancer

Fibromyalgia Guilt..

mommy-guiltguilt_got-guilt-buttonOkay this is going to be short, sweet and to the point.  As someone who suffers from fibromyalgia also suffers from overwhelming guilt. What do I mean by that? I’ll to you, this syndrome is so inconsistent, it’s impossible to make any futuristic plans. I say that now, even though it’s taken me nine years to reconcile myself to the fact I have now become unreliable.  Which is sad in itself.

 

For example on Sunday I could speak with my mother to make plans to see her on Wednesday, come Wednesday morning I can’t move due to lack of energy, body pain, stiffness and swelling.   So now here comes the phone call at the last minute trying to explain why I will be a no-show once again.  Usually family members understand after years of dealing with my inconsistent behaviors. However to explain to your boss, today is not a good day, doesn’t go over well.

 

And let’s not forget the lack of energy equals the lack of household contributions. There are times that my partner has worked 10 hour shifts to come home to a sink of dirty dishes because I can’t muster up the energy to clean. Once again guilt kicks in, I’m just fortunate enough to have someone who understands. However just because they understand does not mean I don’t feel guilty.

So for all you No Shows, there is nothing we can do about that. We have to just be totally honest with those who we deal with on a daily basis whether it’s:  loved ones, employers or the community we can only do what we can do.  So feeling guilty about not being able to participate at will is just something we have to live with. Being guilty only increases the emotionally depressing side of this syndrome.  As a wrap up you can only do what you can do, give the rest to God.  Till next time.

 

 

 

 

Is it Pain? or Do I Need An Attitude Adjustment?

Yes it’s time for one of my personal experience rants…


mis·er·a·ble
ˈmiz(ə)rəb(ə)l/
adjective
  1. (of a person) wretchedly unhappy or uncomfortable.
    “their happiness made Anne feel even more miserable”
     
    2. pitiably small or inadequate.
    “all they pay me is a miserable $10,000 a year”

 

Am I the only one who is known as the cranky one, the angry one, the mean one or the snippy one?  Same thing when I was working.  No one understands that I am never totally pain free.  Every little movement that others take for granted is a chore for me.   With that said I snapped this past week on the family.  Any cleaning or house work I get done is by sheer miracle and struggle so for someone to come behind me after I have mopped with dripping hands (after washing hands in sink) then leave foot prints or spill something without completely cleaning it drive me crazy.  Why?  I’ll tell you why, after I have have mopped I’m down for days following and let’s not talk about the pain during.   Then for someone to come behind me as if it’s no big deal infuriates me. Most people can do something as simple as cleaning but for someone like me it’s painful and takes me down.  Between the fatigue, limbs feeling like weights and pain in all of the usual tender points I feel tutored at times.

Are tender points large areas of pain?

No. The actual size of the point of most tenderness is usually very small, about the size of a penny. These areas are much more sensitive than other nearby areas. In fact, pressure on one of the tender points with a finger will cause pain that makes the person flinch or pull back. Tender points are scattered over the neck, back, chest, elbows, hips, buttocks, and knees…. more

Speaking about tender points my 18 year old son and my 45 year old partner really don’t get how painful their touch can be.   They are both heavy handed and mean no harm but once the pain hits I am demanding that they stop touching me.  Sounds bitchy?  I’m sure, however at that moment I just want the pain to stop.  I am constantly apologizing for sniping at those I love.

                                                          Or Sometimes I’m Just Plain Ole Miserable

My mood is determined by the amount of pain I am experiencing at that moment.  That’s the depressing part, for me I feel as though my body has turned on me and killed the carefree and light side of me.  This time of the year (Fall) is the beginning of like six months of daily misery.  As the weather begins to change into the cold months my body is at it’s worst.  My partner and I are constantly at odds over the window, what she deems comfortable I myself am suffering.  The only other person in my life who can relate to my pain and discomfort is my mother who her self is 89 and suffers from Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Lastly those who love us don’t understand that they add to our despair when they don’t sympathize or at least try to relate to my struggle.

mis·ery

noun \ˈmi-zə-rē, ˈmiz-rē\

plural mis·er·ies

Definition of MISERY

1: a state of suffering and want that is the result of poverty or affliction
2: a circumstance, thing, or place that causes suffering or discomfort
3: a state of great unhappiness and emotional distress

Examples of MISERY

  1. The war brought misery to thousands of refugees.
  2. They were living in overcrowded slums in conditions of great misery.
  3. a source of human misery
  4. the joy and misery of life
  5. The last years of her life were a misery.
  6. Stop being such a misery.
                         So I’m gonna end with “If you were miserable all the time how happy would you be?”