I’m Fighting Like Hell To Get My Life Back.

I know it’s been an extremely long time since my last post or time spent on this blog. My life has had a lot of despair, depression, extreme fatigue, heartbreak, pain, fear, self-doubt, and anguish in the past few years. Which took me down, but now.. the BITCH is back.

After losing my sister, father, and mother in a span of 3 years straight. At the same time, Trump slid his orange clownish ass down an escalator to steal my country and my democracy, adding to the feeling of dread. All while fighting my own personal battles with Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis. The depression was crippling. So excuse me for the rant that I’m about to indulge. I’m freeing my soul.IMG_1743

 

As my nuclear family had all passed away in a span of three years, my niece decided to have me removed from my mother’s will without my knowledge. Then move into my 4 bedroom apartment with her 3-year-old and husband at the time of my mother’s death.  I was crushed and felt so abandoned because someone I’ve loved, supported and cared for, all while I was fighting my own grief and illnesses, was plotting on me right in my very own home from the very start. My tenant who was paying $750. a month left to accommodate her (which I needed desperately being on a fixed income and all) Then a week later when the first check from my father’s stocks came and she left and did it in such a fuck you manner that it damn near broke me. How did I not see this coming? So she was lying to my face along? I thought she actually loved me as her Aunt. She played me like a fiddle with no regard to the affect it would have on me nor my life. I felt attacked and left myself vulnerable for someone I foolishly trusted.

All the work my father did to provide for our family this little bitch took it and spent it on others outside of the family and to live a ghetto fabulous life. My heartbreak was too much to bear. When I lost my mother I too lost all extended family. No more cousins, nieces and/or nephews. Including a cousin who followed me to Brooklyn turned on me, money can expose a lot. Talk about broken mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically.  The final nail to this was my own body turning on me.

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It has taken me 4 years to finally get rid of this inner pain and dread. All while those who claim to love me piled on their own personal issues on to my already heavy load. I finally realized that I had to dig deep inside to muster up the courage to start saying “NO”, forgive myself, love myself,  and heal myself. Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually so that I could move forward with my life. This was much harder to do than I thought. But I believe I’m almost there. It took a couple of years getting my energy and mojo back but here I am. Getting my self-confidence back and the anger and heartbreak in check.

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DAWN OF A NEW DAY:

It’s now my time to shine! I’m putting myself first! I have no more fucks to give to self-absorbed, unsympathetic, unempathetic self-important and users of my kindness and energy! I have for the past 8 years been collecting, data, pricing, and researching so I could start my own business. And I am excited to say: I FINALLY DID IT! I am the proud new owner of

Jou Jou Bee’s Creations Llc. 

I am currently shedding all things and people that are negative and exhausting or emotionally draining. I was so bogged down with negative emotions to the point I couldn’t even get out of the bed. Then I realize these emotions are only adding to the symptoms of my diseases and believe me others don’t care nor believe that they too are contributors to my flare-ups. Once I made the deliberate decision to shed the negative, my life began to change for the better. Lastly, I had to clear my soul to be open enough and well enough to tackle this new endeavor in my life. Stay tuned as I share more of my fight for the core of my soul. I’m going to finish with this my fellow WARRIORS life doesn’t cut you a break because you are sick, hence why we must lighten our load of draining people and/’or situations.

Take Care Now,

LadySway

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It’s The Dawn of a New Day

Me two years ago..

nxf4u

Me now..

 

It has been a really long time since my last post for so many reasons such as heartbreak, death, betrayal, depression and illness. Now I am ready to fight back with all the power I can muster. My life has been stagnated for almost 2 years, I’m going to start by healing my health, next my mind all while feeding my soul. My soul feels depleted and I needed help jump starting my spiritual side, so I had to start a depression medications to quiet my inner demons. I am determined to fight for my inner peace and healthy existence. I chose Lady Sway as my online presence (name) because I too like a palm tree might bend but I refuse to break!! Join me on my journey to rise like a phoenix from these ashes. That’s it for today, stay tuned.

– Lady Sway

Made my first smoothie. I’m so excited it came out deliciously well. Just purchased the Hamilton Beach Pulse. One person serving and portable cup.

So.. I used carrot juice, fresh ginger shavings, fresh pineapple and fresh mango. Hmm hmm good! Can’t wait to tryout the drinks I usually ordered at my local juice bar. 🍍🍍🍍

Let me explain my excitement.. I’m not the most healthiest of people but I can honestly say juices and smoothies really do help me.So instead of having to go out and pay for something, I can now make myself. Yippee!!
😃👊🏽✌🏾️

Denied!!!!

Lost_in_the_rain_by_sherryetal

So I finally received a decision from SSDI. It’s a big fat NO!!! Am I surprised? No I am not. It seems as though they automatically deny all applications. I’m struggling now but not at my worse since the weather hasn’t completely switched. The Winter and Spring are the hardest times of the year. I’m sure I could go for a fair hearing but I’m going to try to do without.. Even though I’ve paid into the system for the past 30 years. Well if it gets to hard this Winter I will have to re-apply.

Please leave any helpful hints as to how to get approved for SSDI (fibromyalgia)

Until next time.

Dear City…

I don’t think the concrete jungle is conducive for me, while suffering from fibromyalgia.

 

I began giving this a closer look after one of my followers on Twitter @itsfibromyalgia  sent a tweet asking where is better to live with fibromyalgia. The choices were Suburbs,  City or Country,  I personally want to retire in the Florida Keys.  OK, let me explain why.

I currently live in Brooklyn of New York City and I have to say being a girl from the suburbs personally can compare the two.  I live on the 3rd floor of a brownstone and though I love my house it is not conducive for someone who at times can barely walk.

 

 

I never go any where because the mere thought of having to walk 5 blocks, wait for subway, stand on ride because there’s no seats, climbing subway steps and then having to blocks from subway to location. Grocery shopping, laundry and anything else where lugging large packages doesn’t work for me. Let’s not for get the season changes especially winter and spring are the worse.

So I guess the answer to the question is I need to live in a warm climate on ground floor with car access. That’s it for now.

Fibromyalgia and Isolation

 

I’ve always have been comfortable by myself. To the point that I have gone to the movies, concerts, traveled and relocated by myself. Not because I didn’t have anyone but simply if I was ready to make a move, being alone didn’t stop me. Now I almost can’t stand being around others. And if I don’t mind the persons company it’s the other stuff that drives me completely out of my mind. I call this my “Oh Shit Is That Today?” list.

1. At any given time I will need to lay my body down. (Kinda rude going to bed when there’s company)

2. Acting as host is such a chore (cooking, cleaning, being conversational) makes it hard to enjoy guest.

3. I experience a heightened sensory to sounds and touch. (makes being in a group stressful)

4. As an apartment dweller I only have one bathroom (one of my symptoms is irritable bowel syndrome) Now I have to wait. 🙂

5. If we are meeting some where, by the time I’ve arrived I am completely miserable ( over exertion, body pain and fatigue) now who’s in the mood for fun after that.

6. Brain fog days come unannounced (now I’m stuck straining to mentally keep up whew!)

7. Because everything thing or interaction is a struggle I am down for 2-3 days following.

8. I am so cranky by the time I get to where I’m going I begin to lash out at everyone I come in close contact with.

Now you tell me how inviting would you be?

Isolation and Fibromyalgia go hand and hand

English: Common signs and symptoms of fibromya...

English: Common signs and symptoms of fibromya...
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I have finally caved and began medication for my fibromyalgia..

Space-filling model of the nortriptyline molec...
Image via Wikipedia

I have finally caved and began medication for my fibromyalgia.. nortriptylin 25mg.  Boy.. the first week was tough.

 

8 1/2 years after my diagnosis I am finally getting treated for my Fibromyalgia.  As a sufferer I can tell you how insidious this syndrome can be first hand.

Over the years I’ve become used to the fatigue and all over pains and accepted it as this is now my life. Until I became so overwhelmed at the end of 2011 with anxiaety and depression due to a lot of life changes. I was paralyzed with fear, anxiety attacks and pain. Even all the aches and pains intensified the more stress the more pain.. I was immobilized. I found myself continually crying over a drop of a hat.  Along with that came lower backside pains (which I am very concerned about), pains radiating from my ovary area.  Finally, I couldn’t take it any more, time to make an appointment.  

Is it just me or when we as FMS patients go to the doctor and we tell the doctor we were diagnosed with FMS the mood of the conversation seems to change? Change in the since that The Doctor begins to chalk all complaints and symptoms off to FMS. Well that’s how I felt a week and a half ago when I made my appointment with a new Dr. I had to explain to him that I am very familiar with the symptoms of FMS having lived through all of them from one point to another. And I don’t want his assumptions to stand in the way of catching other issues sooner than later. He was nice enough to hear me out and rebutted with he believes the depression side of this syndrome has taken over in turn heightened all my other symptoms.  That’s when he suggested this new drug adding  it will help with my sleeping, emotional as well as relieving the pain.  He continued by saying he wants to remove all FMS related symptoms so he can then focus on any other issues he discovers when all my tests results come back. OK so that made sense to me, now I had to cover the side affects.      to be continued…

 

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Nortriptyline Side Effects: An Introduction

article found on eMedTV

As with any medicine, there are possible side effects with nortriptyline hydrochloride (Pamelor®). However, not everyone who takes nortriptyline will experience side effects. In fact, most people tolerate the medication well. When people do develop nortriptyline side effects, often they are minor, meaning they need no treatment or are easily treated by you or your healthcare provider.
 
(This article covers many, but not all, of the possible side effects with nortriptyline. Your healthcare provider can discuss a more complete list of nortriptyline side effects with you.)
 

Common Nortriptyline Side Effects

Nortriptyline has been studied thoroughly in clinical trials in which the side effects of a group of people taking the drug are documented and compared to another group not taking the medicine.

As a result, it is possible to see what side effects occur, how often they appear, and how they compare to the group not taking the medicine.

 
In these studies, the common side effects of nortriptylineinclude:
 
Withdrawal side effects have been reported in people who have stopped taking nortriptyline suddenly. These side effects of nortriptyline withdrawal include nausea, headaches, and a general ill feeling (seePamelor Withdrawal).

Side Effects of Nortriptyline – for the Consumer

article found on Drugs.com

Nortriptyline

All medicines may cause side effects, but many people have no, or minor, side effects.Check with your doctor if any of these most COMMON side effects persist or become bothersome when using Nortriptyline:

Dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth; excitement; headache; impotence; nausea; nightmares; pupil dilation; sensitivity to sunlight; sweating; tiredness; upset stomach; vomiting; weakness; weight loss or gain.

Seek medical attention right away if any of these SEVERE side effects occur when using Nortriptyline:

Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); blurred vision or other vision changes; changes in sex drive; chest pain; confusion; constipation; fainting; fast, slow, or irregular heartbeat; fever; frequent or difficult urination; hallucinations; impulsive behavior or other unusual changes in behavior; jaw, neck, or muscle spasms; mental or mood changes (eg, increased anxiety, mood swings, agitation, irritability, nervousness, restlessness); panic attacks; ringing in the ears; seizures; severe dizziness or drowsiness; sore throat; stomach pain; suicidal thinking or behavior; swelling of the testicles; tremor; trouble sleeping; trouble walking or keeping your balance; twitching of the face or tongue; uncontrolled movements of arms and legs or stiffness; unusual bleeding or bruising; worsening of depression; yellowing of the skin or eyes.

This is not a complete list of all side effects that may occur. If you have questions about side effects, contact your health care provider. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. To report side effects to the

English: 2D structure of tricyclic antidepress...
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right agency, please read the Guide to Reporting Problems to FDA.

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Fibromyalgia Guilt..

mommy-guiltguilt_got-guilt-buttonOkay this is going to be short, sweet and to the point.  As someone who suffers from fibromyalgia also suffers from overwhelming guilt. What do I mean by that? I’ll to you, this syndrome is so inconsistent, it’s impossible to make any futuristic plans. I say that now, even though it’s taken me nine years to reconcile myself to the fact I have now become unreliable.  Which is sad in itself.

 

For example on Sunday I could speak with my mother to make plans to see her on Wednesday, come Wednesday morning I can’t move due to lack of energy, body pain, stiffness and swelling.   So now here comes the phone call at the last minute trying to explain why I will be a no-show once again.  Usually family members understand after years of dealing with my inconsistent behaviors. However to explain to your boss, today is not a good day, doesn’t go over well.

 

And let’s not forget the lack of energy equals the lack of household contributions. There are times that my partner has worked 10 hour shifts to come home to a sink of dirty dishes because I can’t muster up the energy to clean. Once again guilt kicks in, I’m just fortunate enough to have someone who understands. However just because they understand does not mean I don’t feel guilty.

So for all you No Shows, there is nothing we can do about that. We have to just be totally honest with those who we deal with on a daily basis whether it’s:  loved ones, employers or the community we can only do what we can do.  So feeling guilty about not being able to participate at will is just something we have to live with. Being guilty only increases the emotionally depressing side of this syndrome.  As a wrap up you can only do what you can do, give the rest to God.  Till next time.

 

 

 

 

Is it Pain? or Do I Need An Attitude Adjustment?

Yes it’s time for one of my personal experience rants…


mis·er·a·ble
ˈmiz(ə)rəb(ə)l/
adjective
  1. (of a person) wretchedly unhappy or uncomfortable.
    “their happiness made Anne feel even more miserable”
     
    2. pitiably small or inadequate.
    “all they pay me is a miserable $10,000 a year”

 

Am I the only one who is known as the cranky one, the angry one, the mean one or the snippy one?  Same thing when I was working.  No one understands that I am never totally pain free.  Every little movement that others take for granted is a chore for me.   With that said I snapped this past week on the family.  Any cleaning or house work I get done is by sheer miracle and struggle so for someone to come behind me after I have mopped with dripping hands (after washing hands in sink) then leave foot prints or spill something without completely cleaning it drive me crazy.  Why?  I’ll tell you why, after I have have mopped I’m down for days following and let’s not talk about the pain during.   Then for someone to come behind me as if it’s no big deal infuriates me. Most people can do something as simple as cleaning but for someone like me it’s painful and takes me down.  Between the fatigue, limbs feeling like weights and pain in all of the usual tender points I feel tutored at times.

Are tender points large areas of pain?

No. The actual size of the point of most tenderness is usually very small, about the size of a penny. These areas are much more sensitive than other nearby areas. In fact, pressure on one of the tender points with a finger will cause pain that makes the person flinch or pull back. Tender points are scattered over the neck, back, chest, elbows, hips, buttocks, and knees…. more

Speaking about tender points my 18 year old son and my 45 year old partner really don’t get how painful their touch can be.   They are both heavy handed and mean no harm but once the pain hits I am demanding that they stop touching me.  Sounds bitchy?  I’m sure, however at that moment I just want the pain to stop.  I am constantly apologizing for sniping at those I love.

                                                          Or Sometimes I’m Just Plain Ole Miserable

My mood is determined by the amount of pain I am experiencing at that moment.  That’s the depressing part, for me I feel as though my body has turned on me and killed the carefree and light side of me.  This time of the year (Fall) is the beginning of like six months of daily misery.  As the weather begins to change into the cold months my body is at it’s worst.  My partner and I are constantly at odds over the window, what she deems comfortable I myself am suffering.  The only other person in my life who can relate to my pain and discomfort is my mother who her self is 89 and suffers from Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Lastly those who love us don’t understand that they add to our despair when they don’t sympathize or at least try to relate to my struggle.

mis·ery

noun \ˈmi-zə-rē, ˈmiz-rē\

plural mis·er·ies

Definition of MISERY

1: a state of suffering and want that is the result of poverty or affliction
2: a circumstance, thing, or place that causes suffering or discomfort
3: a state of great unhappiness and emotional distress

Examples of MISERY

  1. The war brought misery to thousands of refugees.
  2. They were living in overcrowded slums in conditions of great misery.
  3. a source of human misery
  4. the joy and misery of life
  5. The last years of her life were a misery.
  6. Stop being such a misery.
                         So I’m gonna end with “If you were miserable all the time how happy would you be?”

Why Do You Have Fibromyalgia? found this article on Fibromyalgia-Symptoms.org

Why Do You Have Fibromyalgia?

Are Your Children Doomed?  The Genetic Factor.

Is there a fibromyalgia gene that predetermined your condition even before you were born?  Read on….

Is fibromyalgia a genetic condition passed along from parents to children in a never ending cycle of pain, fatigue and sore muscles?  Studies have uncovered that fibromyalgia sufferers tend to have parents, siblings and children suffering from the condition more often than non-fibromyalgia sufferers.  However, other studies have shown that stress, especially post-traumatic stress, plays a significant role in the onset of fibromyalgia and these family members may suffer from the condition due to their experiences with the same trauma that brought about your fibromyalgia pain.  So, is this condition genetic or not?

Are your children doomed to inherit your fibromyalgia?  Read on to find out more…..

Injuries and Fibromyalgia

Are your injuries from a car accident or even a sloppy gym workout the cause of your fibromyalgia pain?  Read on…

More and more studies are showing that people, who have been injured in an accident, or even from pulling a muscle during a lazy workout session, are more likely to suffer from the pain of fibromyalgia.  In fact, people who have suffered a neck injury are 13 times more likely to develop fibromyalgia than the rest of the population.  However, did you realize that resting your injured muscles is one of the worst things you can do for your fibro pain and can lead to permanent, chronic muscle pain?

Find out why you need to stay in motion and keep your muscles toned and in shape.  Click here to find out more….

Fibromyalgia Causes

What causes fibromyalgia?  Read on…

No one knows the exact reason for the onset of fibromyalgia.  There appear to be many factors involved in the development of this condition including genetic factors, severe stress including post-traumatic stress, injuries from accidents or severe trauma, magnesium deficiency, and sleep interruption.  In fact, one study shows that when the sleep of non-fibromyalgia suffers was continuously interrupted over a specific time period, the patients all began developing symptoms of fibromyalgia.

However, despite the lack of consensus on the cause for developing fibromyalgia, there is one magic cure that seems to provide relief to all fibromyalgia patients.  Click here to find out how to live pain free….

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